Thursday, 26 July 2012

A Lesbian Who Doesn't Like Gay Marriage?!

I'm so glad that my last post was received so well, your support and comments mean the world to me and I am so grateful for them. Just as I predicted, I lost followers, but I gained more than I lost, which was something I didn't expect. So hi to my newest followers, and thankyou for following me! It made my day! I also said that if I could help just 1 person then it would be worth it, and while I received quite a few emails, one in particular was worth it, even if I had ended up with 0 followers in the end <3

So the main question was about my beliefs on Gay Marriage, I think a lot of you were intrigued how someone who is gay could not support it. I think firstly I need to clarify that my wording was inaccurate; it's not that I don't support gay marriage in general, that was the wrong way for me to define it, it's that I don't support gay marriage personally.

Well that's confusing.

I know that doesn't make sense at first glance, but I'll try my best to explain it.
I understand that to a lot of gay people, being denied the right to Marry feels like a huge infringement on their human rights; who was Mr.Bigwig who legally defined marriage to say that it was just for a man and woman? Leviticus also says no haircuts, so why only listen to something that implies that marriage is not for same sex couples? The foundations that Marriage sit on are shaky at best and are under constant scrutiny. To some people, Marriage is incredibly important, for either personal or religious reasons, and for those people I understand why Gay Marriage is so important, and I support that fully.


Religion is an area which I will discuss separately as that's a whole other issue, but in a nutshell, I don't believe that such an old text can be taken as concrete truth; it's outdated and non applicable to modern day life, if taken literally. (That is my own personal belief, I understand there are others who feel a different way and I respect your opinions). However, from the outset, it has been made pretty clear that marriage is for a man and a woman; it has never stated that it was for a man and a man or a woman and a woman. Likewise when laws were initially established, it was created as a union between a man and a woman; that was its function.
Well, I'm not with a man, I'm with a woman; therefore marriage is not for me. Civil Partnership was a pretty broken Olive Branch when it came to the promotion of equality between heterosexuals and homosexuals, but nonetheless, it's my Olive Branch.
Civil Partnership is a part of my identity, it is a symbol of my pride to be with a same sex partner. I am different, I am not 'normal' statistically, and I'm proud of that. It has taken me a long while to own it, but now that I do, I am comfortable with my label and I want others to know that. If a Marriage is defined as being for a man and a woman, then by my thinking, it isn't for me, because frankly, I don't fit into that category. Likewise, Civil Partnership is not for heterosexual couples, because they don't fit into that category. It's like letting men into the ladies loo; they just don't belong in there because they are inherently not part of that societal group.

My latter argument is slightly more controversial, so bear with me.
The LGBT population has been denied Marriage for such a long time, we have been persecuted and had our most basic human rights stripped many times throughout the course of history. It seems that Marriage is one of the final barriers, and we fight so hard for it.
The problem with that, is that the more we fight and the more that the authorities say no, the weaker we look, as they constantly maintain the power and the upper hand. From that exchange, the feelings of inequality are heightened, the feelings that we are less of a person than a heterosexual become increased. Why can they say no? Why won't they listen? Is it because I'm not good enough? And if that is not the case, then why do they have the power to deny us, and we have no power at all?
When you stop fighting for something, it shows that you don't care. It's like when you give up fighting to get your ex back, suddenly all the power they held has gone and they are left feeling deflated and powerless over you, as they no longer have that hold. You might not have your initial goal, but you have something different, but equal.

That is not to say that I believe that Civil Partnership is an equal to Marriage. As it stands there are some differences; they are few, but they do exist. The most poignant being the fact that there is no requirement for consummation (because they believe we cannot physically have a sexual relationship), and as a result, you cannot have a Civil Partnership severed as a result of adultery with another same sex person, as they do not recognise that it can happen.
To me, I would like to see the differences in Marriage and Civil Partnership cancelled out and a true equality placed across the board.

I would like to finish off by saying that my point of view on this is very controversial and people who are of my stance are few and far between. I know that Alex completely disagrees with me and wants to get married, but that is something we will have to find a compromise on.
I completely respect other peoples opinions on any subject, as there are too many in the world for only one to be right; some of you may strongly disagree with me, but that's okay.

I hope this has answered your questions <3


Images via


  1. Thanks for this post - you're opinions are really interesting and definitely something that provokes thought/discussion. While I am 1000% in support of equality, and think civil partnerships and marriages should have an equal stance, I think religion etc will often make this issue extremely controversial - if homosexuals can get married in a church for instance does that mean that they would legally be able to get married in all religious buildings, i.e. Sikh temples or Mosques? I think we have a long way to go before those beliefs will be shaken up but is it right to shake them up? As you said, religion is a different issue too!
    I think the problem is people are scared to discriminate and scared not to - I don't understand this - I don't care if people are heterosexual or homosexual - as long as they're not offensive etc there's no need to treat anyone any differently.
    Such an interesting post :) I love you're usual posts on beauty etc but it's nice to get your perspective on issues like this!

    1. I know I'm a bit of an oddity with this one haha, but it's my honest answer.
      I agree with you that Religion has a huge impact on Marriage, and in the light of that, I apply the same argument that I do here, that it was created for the purpose of a man and woman, and my partnership is not made up of that. As it stands at the moment, gay commitment ceremonies can be held wherever they are permitted to, so some churches will perform the ceremony and others won't. It is down to the discretion of the church, which I think is fair enough.
      People are always afraid of whether they are being PC or not, and I think it's important not to let it get too mad. There has to be a balance struck. Every human on this earth should have the same rights as the person stood next to them, that is what we should be working towards in my opinion, no matter what label it is that they fit under.
      Thankyou for taking the time to write out your comment, I really appreciate it and look forward to hearing from you again soon! :D x

  2. It's so disappointing that people actually unfollowed you after yesterday's post. It's really nice to know about the person behind the blog - whether people agree with your views/lifestyle or not.

    I know you said that you're thick-skinned, but I genuinely admire how open you've been about your sexuality and your views - especially as you anticipated a bit of a backlash. I think you're really brave in general for coming out and being who you are, but more so for sharing it with us.

    What you said about marriage/civil partnerships is really interesting, and reminds me of a conversation I had with a couple of my gay friends. They both said that they didn't want to get married or have children because 'it's not right'. Perhaps their reasons go a bit deeper but I was really sad to hear it as I think hetrosexual people take marriage for granted, and I couldn't ever imagine how it must feel to not be able to do it - i.e. marriage, as opposed to civil partnerships. Anyway, I digress, Thank you for writing these posts, they've been good to read. Two questions for you though. (And I hope I don't offend you?!)

    Firstly, do you and Alex want children? (I'm adopted myself, so I'm fully in support of couples who don't go about having children in the 'conventional' way)
    And secondly, if you could go back and 'pick' your sexuality would you still choose to be gay? I ask that because the friends I mentioned before both said they would choose to be straight. Obviously it's a really difficult question as you're in a relationship with someone you love - but hypothetically?

    Lola ..x

    Sorry for the essay! Haha

    1. I guess for some people it's a really strong personal topic, and I have to respect that - I'd rather them unfollow me than send me abuse!

      I really appreciate you saying that I'm brave, that's a lovely thing to say. Unfortunately I have been through a lot worse in my life than anything like this so I'm not sure if brave is the word, I guess at this point I just want to help some people out, and if I can share something that'll make someone feel that they can come to me for help, I'll do it any day :)

      Okay, so in reply to your question (I promise you won't offend me, it's incredibly difficult to manage that haha).

      1. Yes Alex and I want children, we have talked about all of the options that are open to us and have decided that the best route for us would be to do both. We would like to adopt a child, probably 2 I would say, but we have also decided that we would have a biological child, by using Alex's egg and my body as a carrier. It's the closest we can get to having a child that is both of ours and something that we are keen to look in to.
      2. No, I would never change my sexuality. Although it has been a real struggle for me to get to the place that I'm in now, I'm really happy. Being gay is like belonging to something special, it's a source of strength for me, and if I'm honest, I love being gay! There's a fantastic sense of unity and it's a wonderful and vibrant community to be part of.

      Thanks for your comment, I enjoyed replying to it!


  3. This is exactly how I feel about gay marriage...I thought I was the only one to see it this way! I have absolutely no problem with same sex unions, but personally I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman...however it's not fair to legally deny committed gay couples the same rights as traditional married couples because they aren't technically "married".

    1. For a heterosexual person to say that it can often be construed as homophobic, but I completely understand it, and as long as you can articulate it well, it shouldn't ever be a problem for you to have that opinon. My latter point can often make me look like a bit of a hetero-hater, so I have to be careful about how I put things, so I understand that too! :D x

  4. i cant believe people unfollowed you. its such a shame how shallow some people can be. i think its so admirable that you've opened up to your followers and even more so that you've said we can ask about it and you're keen to help others.
    although ive not been following long, ive really enjoyed reading your posts and will deffo be sticking around :) x

    1. That means such a lot, thankyou!
      At the end of the day I would rather people unfollow me than give me grief.
      I see it at their loss, not mine. Even of they didn't like it, it's a shame that they couldn't understand it, it's a shame they couldn't understand it was good for some others. I guess I have to appreciate their opinion and respect it.
      It's so nice to know that there's people like you out there though. Thankyou so much x

  5. everyone has their own opinions you cannot make everyone happy, i respect your post and comments :-) Cool pic at the end too

    Missy x

    1. You can't make a fairer point than that, thankyou so much for your comment x

  6. Wow this is such a good explanation of your belief really opened my eyes. It's so brave and inspirational that you've spoke about this I can't believe people have unfollowed you, but I'm glad you received more followers and have helped a lot of people understand too xx

    1. Thankyou so much, that means so much to me to hear that. I think the people who have said these things to me are so inspirational. Never mind me, you're an amazing person! X

  7. I really enjoyed reading this. Everyone has a right to an opinion and I think it's amazing that you are speaking out like this and giving people more of an insight into your opinions xxx

    1. Thankyou, I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed it :) x

  8. I really enjoyed reading this too. I can't believe you lost followers as a result of your post; although if they unfollowed because they were bigots, you're better of without them I think!
    I live in Scotland, where the government recently announced they were going to introduce gay marriage. There is also a clause in the proposed law that protects religious organisations - so those religious groups that are fine with gay marriage can conduct ceremonies, but those that aren't don't have to if they don't want to.
    I think it's a good thing, as despite it being your personal choice not to want to get 'married' as opposed to a civil partnership, I feel like everyone should have the choice. If you're gay and also religious, and your religious group is supportive, you should be able to get married in your place of worship.
    And although I'm heterosexual, and thus me and my partner fit the definition of marriage as stipulated in the Christian view, we are both atheists and would rather have nothing to do with religion (just a personal view!) so if we ever got married it'd be as irreligious as possible! What I guess i'm trying to say is that although some religions say marriage is 'man and woman', a huge chunk of hetero couples would probably choose not to get married if they had to do so in a religious context, so the point is kind of moot for atheists.
    Sorry for the long response, it's just an interesting topic!
    S xx

    1. This was really interesting to read and I'm glad to hear another spin on things! I know I'm on my own pretty much with my opinion but I really stand by it. Too many heterosexual people call the shots and that's what is inherently wrong in my opinion.
      I'm just glad people unfollowed me rather than gave me grief! I'd much prefer that!
      Thankyou for taking the time to comment :) x

  9. I really enjoyed reading this post and your thoughts about marriage, civil unions, etc. As far as marriage is concerned, I understand your thoughts - if ones uses a Biblical definition of marriage, then it should be between a man and a woman. However I do think that for both gay and straight couples, religious marriage should be treated as a completely different entity separate from the decision to enter into a legal union. I lived in Spain for several years, and "marriage" had two parts - the signing of the legal documents at the courthouse, followed by a religious ceremony, if the couple chose to have that ceremony. Both gay and straight couples had the same legal rights regardless of whether or not they were "married" in a church, and many straight couples choose not to have the religious marriage ceremony at all. I thought that sort of set up made perfect sense, and wish the US could collectively implement something similar.

    1. I'd also add that in the US, I find it highly problematic to use a Biblical version of marriage to determine who can and can't get "married" when our Constitution makes no such reference. (Every so often there is a push to add an amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as being between a man and woman - as it stands, no such distinction is made). Government sponsored religion is something that worries me on a lot of levels.

  10. I think the point you made about Spain is incredibly valid. I think that would be some kind of ideal arrangement.
    As far as the states goes, there is separation from church and state isn't there? So surely that is an invalid reason for gay marriage to not be legalised? Puzzles me!
    Thankyou for taking the time out to comment, I really enjoyed reading it and learned something new! X

  11. I think it is important that you speak your opinion no matter what people say. Glad that you felt able to do your posts :) And that you gained followers from it and mostly that you are happy!
    Amy x

    1. I think it's important too and I'm so glad that so many others think that way too. Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it x

  12. I just discovered your blog and I've just read this post and I think it's brilliant. What you say is really interesting and I completely understand what you're saying (I think!). I used to think in a similar way about marriage for me until about two years ago. I'm not gay, but I thought marriage, how it began, what it stood for in the past, wasn't for me at all (I'm a feminist & atheist). I hated the history of marriage where women were practically compulsorily bought and sold into lifelong domestic servitude.

    Then a combination of things happened including my parent's divorce, and being proposed to by my boyfriend(!) and I realised I actually really believe in 'marriage' in it's absolute simplest form- an equal partnership, legally binding, as a family, together loving + supporting each other for life. Hope that makes sense!

    I wish you & your girlfriend all the best, X